I remember the day as if it was yesterday. I was attending a party and someone grabbed my hand to join an Israeli folk dance called the Hora.
For ten minutes, I danced in a circle smiling at my husband who was sitting at a table watching. It was one of those special nights that make beautiful memories.
Later that night, I felt a little strange. Thinking I was tired, I got into bed. A few hours later, I woke up and the room was spinning. Scared, I called out to my husband. I tried to stand up to put on a light and the spinning got worse. It felt like I was in the middle of a nightmare that I couldn’t wake up from.
The dizziness lasted 3 days and I could barely function.
This was my first vertigo episode………..
In the years since then, my life has changed.
I no longer dance which is one of my biggest losses. I love to dance and always found it a great way to exercise and get rid of stress. It is hard to listen to music and sit still.
I risk a dizzy spell every time I bend over doing a chore, pull something out of drawer or try to focus on a moving object. I often forget and do it anyway.
I missed my favorite cousin’s funeral because I was afraid to fly alone for fear I would have a vertigo attack. I haven’t been on a plane in years… since the first episode.
I accept invitations to family/friend gatherings my husband can drive us to and then pray I will be able to attend. I hate disappointing my children.
Going to the Dentist (or Oral Surgeon) is a big challenge and often involves last minute cancellations if I am very dizzy the day of the appointment. Fortunately, I go to a great practice who work with me as well as they can. Example.. Not putting the chair all the way back which often triggers my vertigo.
I can’t read or type on my phone or computer for extended period of time. I am a writer so this sucks!
Those are a few of the ways my everyday life has changed.
How do I get through each day?
I put on a face for the outside world that is almost always a happy one. I am known for my sense of humor and my positive attitude. Even if I am having a crappy day, I try not to bring people down. I have done this most of my life because:
a. I am my Father’s daughter. ( Those who knew this strong, amazing man will understand that comment.)
b. I believe most human beings shy away from miserable people.
c. I prefer to tell my problems to my Raggedy Annie dolls who don’t pass judgement and are always smiling at me.
In my private life, there are lots of challenging moments…
I feel a tremendous sense of loss for what I may never be able to do again. I try to chase those thoughts away but that is easier said than done.
I get frustrated with myself for falling into depressions that feel like I am sinking into quicksand and I can’t pull myself out. I spend way too much time alone.
My greatest fear is becoming a burden to my family. I have first hand experience with this and it was heart-wrenching to see my beautiful Mother slowly die.
I hope sharing my story will help others who live with vertigo (or are living with someone with this condition) understand they are not alone.
I truly understand…..
Author’s note….Because of a severe drug sensitivity, I only use homeopathic remedies to treat this condition.