Dear 200 assorted relatives,
I heard through the family grapevine that a few of you are insulted because I am getting up in front of the world and telling funny stories about my life, which may include some of you! (I don’t curse, show embarrassing photographs or say anything about our family that will land them on the cover of National Enquirer.)
I am writing this to let all of you know that….. If I ever make it BIG and land on prime time television, I will be happy to throw a huge family reunion (which I will happily pay for) where I am confident you will ALL forgive me for giving away any family secrets. (Did I just say that?)
And because I love all of you SO MUCH… glossy 8×10 photographs of your favorite comic will be signed for FREE!